


Fire Fills Her Eyes

by scarletandgreywidow



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-26
Updated: 2015-03-26
Packaged: 2018-03-19 16:39:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3616872
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarletandgreywidow/pseuds/scarletandgreywidow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The first time I left it was because I loved you and I’m telling you the truth now because I will always love you in some complicated, unknowable way, but I have decided that I love me, too."</p><p>Simmons comes clean.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fire Fills Her Eyes

She stands outside the fourth floor walk-up in a quiet Parisian neighborhood.

 

She can’t believe she’s here after all these years, can’t believe who she’s about to see and what she’s about to ask.

 

She raises her balled fist hesitantly. She doesn’t have time today to reflect on the past. The knocking rings out in the empty hallway.

 

…

 

_Fitz didn’t hear Simmons walk into the lab, but he looks up abruptly when she clears her throat. Feet from him she stands strongly, the wings on the wall framing her shoulders. Her hands do not fidget in front of her and her eyes are filled with something that is not quite hurt. The intensity of her stare stops him from speaking._

_“I have something to say, Fitz. Something I need you to hear.”_

_“No. Simmons, you can’t—“_

_“Don’t,” she says with something akin to ferocity, but she softens slightly to make her plea “Please don’t. I need to say these things and I need you to stand there and hear me out even if you don’t listen. Alright?”_

_The hardness in her voice curbs his protest. “Alright.”_

_“I think I should explain myself. There’s a lot I haven’t said in the last few months, but I’m done being silenced._

_“When you told me how you felt in the pod—“_

_“Jemma—“_

_“Stop. I won’t be interrupted again.” Fire has replaced the tears that have so often filled her eyes during their conversations in recent weeks. He nods._

_“Like I said, when you told me how you felt in the pod, I already knew I loved you, but I didn’t know in what way and you didn’t give me a chance to find out. You forced that bag into my hand and pressed a button and before I knew it water was rushing in and all I knew was that I still loved you and I couldn’t live without you and maybe it was wrong of me to drag you to the surface, but I couldn’t let you die._

_“And…. And then you were in a coma and I still loved you, but I didn’t have time to figure out in what way because I had to take care of you and make sure you survived and every day for nine days I prayed to all the gods I’d never believed in that you would make it because I needed my best friend. Everything I knew was gone and I just needed my best friend and when you woke up you were gone, but I still needed my best friend._

_“I tried so hard to do everything I could to help you, but you weren’t getting better with me here and Coulson needed me elsewhere. I knew I was making you worse.”_

_She took a deep breath, but her voice did not tremble at all on those or the next words, “I was making you worse so I left. And when I came back you were getting better, but you were angry and you had every right to be. I had lied to you and I can’t take that back. I won’t take that back. But before I had a chance to explain anything, everything spun out. One of my friends died and another changed in an instant. And my best friend hated me and I was so alone.”_

_She pauses again, and he tries to brace himself for whatever her next words will be._

_“I was—I_ am _alone. I need my best friend, but I know I can’t have him any more. I lied to you and you lied to me and we kept secrets from each other and we are_ different _people from who we were six months ago. Perhaps that’s for the best, but I can’t go down this path any longer. I am a different person because of what has happened and especially because of SHIELD, which is why I’m doing what I’m doing right now. The first time I left it was because I loved you and I’m telling you the truth now because I will always love you in some complicated, unknowable way, but I have decided that I love me, too.”_

_He is sure his heart has stopped when her lips form those fateful three words, “So I’m leaving.”_

_He is frozen in place as she turns away and picks up the suitcase he hadn’t seen her set down by the door. Surely the quake in Puerto Rico is nothing compared to the way his earth splits open in that moment and everything he thinks he knows comes crumbling down._

_…_

It doesn’t take long for someone to answer the door.

 

The middle-aged woman who opens it stares uncomprehendingly for a moment before stammering, “Skye….I…. How did you…. I mean, it’s good to see you.”

 

“Simmons,” Skye responds with a soft smile. “It sure has been a while, hasn’t it?”

 

“I think that might be an understatement, “ Simmons says with a hint of laughter in her voice. “Why don’t you come in?”

 

“Right. Thanks,” Skye mutters as she lets Simmons escort her through the door into the beautifully decorated apartment. “Wow. You sure have gotten around since you left,” she observes as her eyes take in the variety of artwork and artifacts from around the globe that adorn the apartment.

 

“Yes, well, I always wanted to travel, see the world.”

 

“Of course.”

 

Awkwardness quickly seeps into the silence that fills the room before Skye rushes to say, “I guess I should tell you why I’m here.”

 

“I suspect I know.”

 

“Right. Well, you’ve been watching the news so I won’t waste your time. You know what’s happening. The moral of the story is SHIELD needs experts in certain fields right now and you’re one of those experts. I understand why you left, but SHIELD needs you, and I know it sounds cliché but the world needs you. I can’t promise everything has changed, but a lot has changed about how things are run. A new generation has stepped up to the plate and we need your help now more than ever. I’m sure you have a lot of doubts and hesitancies, but I can’t convey how desperately we need you at the moment and, in any case, it would only be temporary. I know it’s sudden, but what do you say? Will you help an old friend out?”

 

…

 

_He can’t really be sure what force is carrying him forward in that instant. He doesn’t remember telling his feet to move but somehow they are carrying him as fast as they can towards her._

_“Wait!” he shouts as he catches sight of her about to leave the Playground._

_He knows that she has every right to ignore him as he has ignored her so many times lately. He knows that she has every right to walk away from all of this without turning back after the way he and this organization have torn her apart, but as his desperate plea escapes his lips he hopes that some shred of the person she just swore she loved still exists and that she’ll give that shred of a person a chance._

_His heart refuses to keep beating when she pauses and turns around._

_“Jemma, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.”_

_She looks at him with tears in her eyes and he knows it isn’t enough to change her mind._

_…_

 

Skye isn’t aware she’s holding her breath when Simmons responds, “Skye, I don’t know what to say.”

 

“Say you’ll help.”

 

“I would like to but….”

 

“But what?”

 

“You must know.”

 

“Know what?”

 

…

 

_“You’re right,” he blurts ineloquently. “SHIELD changed you and it changed me. And you’re right that your best friend wasn’t there when you needed him—“ His voice cracks “—But let me be here now.”_

_He edges imperceptibly closer as he gathers the courage to say what he needs to say, “I’m different and you’re different and I can’t be there for you in the way I used to be, but I can be there. Please let me be there.”_

_All the confidence from her speech in the lab has vanished as she replies: “I’m leaving, Fitz. I have to leave.”_

_“I know,” he says. “Let me leave with you.” Her breath hitches when she hears him, but she lets him continue, “You always wanted to see the world. So let’s go. Let’s see it. Together. The person you met at the Academy is gone and I’m not quite sure whose here to replace him and I’m not sure whose going to replace the girl I first got on the BUS with, but, please, let us find out together. We’ll leave and travel and we’ll start over and figure out who we are to each other. It’ll be a fresh start, I promise.” His words have tumbled uncontrollably from his mouth, but he slows for his next ones. He knows he is begging now, “Please. Just please, don’t leave me alone again.”_

_She is crying too much to speak, but after a moment of thought she nods and a smile dares to show on his tear-stained face. He takes a minute to catch his breath before he extends his shaking hand._

_“I’m Leo Fitz.”_

_“I’m Jemma Simmons,” she responds through a tiny laugh mixed with tears, taking his outstretched hand, to share in this hastily constructed promise._

_“It’s nice to meet you, Jemma.”_

_…_

“Well, it’s not just my decision. There’s someone I have to talk to,” Simmons says with a note of suspicion.

 

A key scrapes in the lock on the front door and Skye’s eyes fall on Simmons’ wedding ring, sparkling as it suddenly catches the sunlight.

 

“Oh. Well, I was going to ask him to come, too,” Skye says with that old twinkle in her eyes as the door opens.

 

Simmons smiles as the door opens and a man with curly greying hair walks in, arms full of groceries. She approaches him to take one of the bags and kiss him on the cheek.

 

“Fitz, we have a visitor.”

**Author's Note:**

> I had a lot of feelings after last night's episode. I hope you've enjoyed my attempt to work them out.


End file.
